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Introducing a new kitten while keeping your older cat a happy camper
By Frania Shelley-Grielen. All rights reserved.
How do you make sure your new kitten will be welcomed by your older cat? A good friend of mine wrote to me with a dilemma—the rescue kitten she had brought home was not integrating into her family as smoothly as she had hoped for. The new arrival was scared and scary at times, the incumbent cat was not thrilled with the addition and it was feared that the kitten might not be cuddle material. Read on for specifics and strategies that you can use at home to make the process easier on all of you:
”We adopted a new kitten two weeks ago…He's a tiny little black Bombay, approximately two months old when we brought him home. He was very shy at the foster mom's house, but once he'd been caught and put into my son's lap to be stroked, he eventually started to purr and settle down. He spent the first night in our bathroom, where he wanted to hide behind the counter, but my son also held the kitten in his lap for a good hour, and the kittie liked being there. We moved him into my son’s bedroom the next day, kept separate from our older cat, with his own litter box. He always hides under the chair when we enter the room, but eventually comes out to be pet and in those first days, he really enjoyed hanging out in my son’s lap for long periods of time, and in those first couple of days, my son was even able to bring him out to the living room and the kitten would hang out in his lap while he watched TV on the couch.”
Smart move on installing the kitten in a small room for the first nights in your home. Being in a new and strange environment the kitten will naturally want to hide somewhere to feel safe and to survey the scene from. A covered cat bed or even a shoe box turned on its side will provide a more comfortable vantage point than behind the sink or under the bed. Position the box or bed in a corner or against a wall and try adding or lining it with some fleece or flannel for comfort.
Make sure to softly greet the kitten every time you come into his space. This announces your presence and sets a welcoming tone. Keep your tone neutral - happy camper voices are for dogs, elevator voices are for cats. If the kitten continues to hide under a chair when you enter the room, approaching the chair and sitting down on the floor directly along side it can help. Speak gently (this is a great time to catch up on some reading -- out loud) and your kitten will emerge in time.. Try to ignore the kitten until they approach within reach and because cats greet nose to nose, muzzle to muzzle, confine your initial petting for the time being to the head area only, stroking the top and sides of the head and behind and around the ears.
“However, no surprise, as the days went by, he became more playful and more interested in our older cat. Concurrently, the kitten has been less friendly to the humans and runs away and hides from us with increasing determination. A new dynamic is developing that we don't like too much. A week ago, our older cat did not like the kitten at all and did a lot of hissing and growling to show his feelings. This week, we've let the kitten wander freely through the living room and he is irrepressibly interested in playing with our older cat, who alternates between playing as if he likes it and swatting and hissing for real. Our older cat has also become belligerent with me, approaching me to growl and hiss and last night he even swatted my leg. The kitten has become still more avoidant of people though as bold as ever with our older cat, and more rambunctious. He gets into the plant pots and digs out the dirt (and I think he's gone to the bathroom in a couple of them when no one is looking)… And then last night, when I reached down to pick up the kitten, he reacted with unexpected aggression and tore up my hand with his claws, spitting like a feral cat. I have to confess, with these painful cuts all over my hands, I'm finding my heart turning against him. My son is also increasingly disappointed with the way the kitten seems to be getting more avoidant and distrustful of us, rather than getting used to us and relaxing.”
Your kitten is feeling more at home, hence all the romping and digging and has discovered a fellow cat and he is apparently delighted. Your older cat alternates play with the hissing and swatting because he is establishing his place on the totem pole with the kitten and establishing boundaries for acceptable play. Hissing is a preliminary vocal warning and although it may sound terrible, it is relatively minor in terms of aggression, more “bark than bite”. This also holds true for the swatting, a definite warning display but the claws are retracted. Keep an eye on cat/kitten interactions and if kitty is repeatedly pressing for play where your older cat is adamant against it happening, redirect kitty by offering interactive play with a fishing wand toy to distract and engage his attention.
Of course, you know you can never, ever hit a cat or a kitten. No spraying with water bottles or shaking noise makers either. Please, it doesn't teach or train just makes cats afraid of us. Think redirection - training for what you would like instead.
The older cat is reacting to the change in the family group by communicating his stress over it to you. There is usually a lot of attention paid to a new kitten or puppy when it comes into a home and this is stressful for the resident pet both because of the change in the family and the loss of attention. A new kitten is not just an interloper for the resident cat and an insistent and irritating demand for interaction it can also deprive resident cats of our interest and caring. Children are the not the only family members that can feel neglected when a new baby comes home
Let your older cat know they still matter most. Greet your older cat first as soon as you enter your home or a room. even when they are out of sight. Make time each day to interact with the older cat, this is a great time for petting and interactive play time with a fishing wand toy. Make sure to hide the toy when not in use for safety and novelty reasons.
Keeping the cat who came first also first in your interactions can help. Your affection, attention and engagement are just as much of a resource as raised resting places, (Continue reading below.)
"There is usually a lot of attention paid to a new kitten or puppy when it comes into a home and this is stressful for the resident pet,both because of the change in the family and the loss of attention"
Leave the radio tuned to classical music for each cat when you are not around (or when you are), studies show this music is soothing for pets and the melodic voices of announcers on these stations will reinforce how soothing human voices can be for both kitten and older cat.
Consider catnip, valerian root or silvervine (these can be rubbed into toys, scratch pads, beds and other surfaces cats use) and products like Rescue Remedy for stress relief for both cats. Moving house and a new roommate may be even more stressful for pets than for humans who get to decide where to move and to who to live with.
Never add any product to a cat's drinking water so as not to turn them off water, a spritz or a drop on a paw and your cat can lick the product off at their leisure.
Another option is a formula designed by a holistic vet: Jen Hofve to offset some of the stress of the new arrival (I have used it with some of my hardest cases) you can buy "Peacemaker" directly from spiritessences.com or mix your own use Holly (jealousy), Beech (tolerance), Walnut (change), Willow (resentment). I have also liked and used the the Pet Remedy plug in, with its main ingredient of Valerian Root and Chamomile, which also comes in a spray to apply to guardian clothing and cat furniture but never on cats.
If a cat has a history of digging in plants this can be easily stopped. Look for a product called "Sticky Paws", you want the cardboard strips (double coated with stickiness) which you cut in strips and lay out like lattice in your plant pots. One step in and that strip sticks to the paw and your cat will not do it again, ever, even when you remove it. (You can also crumble aluminum foil around the base of a plant or use moth balls but moth balls smell and the foil once removed is no longer effective.)
“We've still been keeping the kitten in my son’s bedroom at night and when we're away during the day, separate from our older cat. When the kitten's been shut into the bedroom by himself, he's friendlier to us, but his first reaction to our entry is always to run under the chair. His behavior is very mixed: he'll come out and rub against our legs, but when we reach out a hand to pet him, he runs under the chair again. He also prefers to play attack, bite and scratch (pretty hard) over cuddling. Kittens are often full of piss and vinegar, but the kitten is particularly skittish and his moods shift unexpectedly.”
Continue keeping the cats separated when you are not around and at night for the time being. You will have to play timing by ear here but this process usually takes cat time which can mean weeks or even months to assimilate a new member into a group. Depending on individuals and dynamic, an older cat may decide the kitten is welcomed sooner than later. Let them decide with your support.
When your kitten leaves the cover of furniture and rubs against your legs make sure and exhale and say the kitten’s name first and slowly lower yourself for petting, if the kitten runs away, turn away in place and softly say its name again and wait. ( Remember, this is a good time for reading out loud on the ground.. And do leave off your phone - you want to engage with your kitten and have your voice and their name become a source of comfort.)
Handling or holding your kitten as much as you can is KEY to socialization. Hold the kitten against your body and not away from you where it will feel insecure. Make sure to use two hands. Support the kitten from under by holding your hand underneath the body with your hand spread between the front legs. The chest of the kitten should be resting on your palm. Depending on the size of the kitten you may or may not need to support the lower body with your forearm. Cup your other hand around the body. Stroking should be confined only to the head. If the kitten is squirmy, try stroking and talking softly to the kitten and once the squirming stops release the kitten immediately (squirmy kittens will also benefit from classical music in this scenario). Wait at least three minutes and begin the process again. Practice holding and handling your kitten several times throughout the day.
As much fun as playing attack games with your kitten may be, it is really never a good idea to play this way. Baby kitten claws and teeth are all fun and games when they are little but it leads to playing this same way with cat claws and fangs-- not a good idea. Leave this kind of playing for the cats only. When the kitten attempts to play attack a short word or quick intake of breath , immediately, meaning at the exact moment of contact say “Oww!” and hold still. Use one short sharp syllable and no movement –providing feedback and taking the fun out of the chase. The key here is timing the very second you feel the bite use the response above and the very millisecond the cat stops use a softer voice in praise to reinforce the stopping and keep the encounter positive. Cats are extremely sound sensitive due to their exquisite hearing and do not like loud or discordant noises which is why the feedback is so effective at getting them to stop the behavior. Your reaction will startle the cat, remember in that very second when the cat pauses immediately say “Good kitty” in a soft voice and stroke along the side of the muzzle to reinforce that stopping the bite is the wanted behavior. That's it, do not lecture the cat the afterwards as this only confuses a cat for doing what you asked for and remember to retrain and provide kitten with the kind of interactive play best suited for kitty and human.
You can and should engage the kitten instead by luring fishing wand toys and objects away from or across the kitten’s line of vision. Think a feather tied to a piece of yarn slowly and tantalizing dragged in front of or away from the kitten (always place out of sight when finished), interactive play where you provide the fun and bonding! That's it, no spraying with water bottles or shaking of cans or other punishment to make kitty afraid.
In addition to playing with the kitten, incorporate interactive games with a fishing wand toy with both cats. These sessions can be 2-5 minutes, kittens typically have a longer appetite when it comes to play time so what starts as a group event can transition to a single. Keep play a regular happening. Making interactive play a routine on schedule can provide a form of control over when it happens . Linking play to before a meal can help keep it regular. Start this when the cats are physically separated in distance in a room and alternate engaging one and then the other with the wand. Even just watching the play with the other cat or kitten will have both a positive effect through seeing play and create greater positive associations between cats. (More on how to play with a cat.)
Cats are not communal eaters. Space out food bowls and do provide puzzle feeders for dry food instead of bowls. Make sure to avoid slow feeders that frustrate. Instead look for choices like, Rolling feeders for individual interactions channel natural behaviors of batting and scooping . A puzzle feeder for dry food that is both large enough and positioned so both cats can freely access it, can also help in creating positive associations around each other and add to enrichment for both older cat and new kitten.
“I strongly believe this kitten was captured from a feral colony and was never necessarily interested in or of the right temperament to be domesticated. I think the animal rescue lady deliberately kept this information from me (she did seem oddly jumpy when she was showing us the kitten, but only said he was "shy and probably didn't get a lot of attention from people.") My son very specifically wanted a kitten who would sleep in his bed with him at night (The kitten has never done this, resisting every attempt to settle him on the bed) and would be an affectionate buddy. In your professional opinion, is there a way we can coax the kitten into trusting people, or is his temperament a bad fit?... Perhaps the kitten will be different once he's neutered, but I'm not sure.”
It is possible that your kitten came from a feral colony and has not been handled sufficiently by people, it is also just as possible that the kitten came from a human home and was not handled sufficiently by people or may just need more time to acclimate and develop relationships with you and yours.. At this stage of the game your kitten is certainly still young enough to be properly socialized to people. (While it takes longer, even such older cats can be socialized to people.) As to what kind of friend your kitten will be, it is probably too soon to tell. With such an incredibly new living situation, from the kitten’s point of view, sleeping on the bed with your son might be a bit premature. Pave the way by making the bed not so scary for now—add some play toys, fur mice, crinkly toy balls, catnip stuffed toys, etc, for when your son is not home and when he is. Incorporate interactive play time with a toy lure which you can drag along the bed for the kitten to chase.
Using the techniques above can allow exposure to getting to know you, your son and your home as safe and reliable presences. It is a gradual process-- you are developing a relationship and trust which takes time and which will be amazingly rewarding. (More on cat/cat integration)
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